• Dr. Nyasio

Love is PAAAAAAATIENT

Just in case you haven’t been following me very long, the next series of posts will focus on what love is-as opposed to…well, what it’s not. Alright let’s go ahead and open this post with a bang. Love is not a feeling. Rather, love is an action word or dare I say, a verb. You know, from grammar-

/vərb/: a word that shows action.


Ok, now that we got that out of the way, let’s take a look at exactly how that relates to love. First up….drum roll please……………………………….


Love is patient


Not exactly what you thought would come next? Ha ha. Stick around, my friend.




So, what exactly does that mean? I’m glad you asked. Most people who think about love don’t usually associate it with patience. Why? Well, patience is one of those concepts we like to think of as some theoretical quality we are maybe trying to attain…maybe, kinda-ok, a little bit. We might think about being patient with an elderly person who just refuses to learn anything techie…we think about being patient with a two-year-old who refuses to go big-boy potty (yeah, that’s my life right now). We think less about being patient with a spouse.


In the case of a spouse or partner, patience means tolerating problems, or delays, or even frustrating quirks without exhibiting annoyance. That is no small feat. However, before I go on, I can already hear what the skeptics have to say. Let me give this disclaimer: This blog post is in no way meant to condone either physical or emotional abuse. This blog post does not propose that people in dangerous situations simply stick it out to their own peril.


What does being patient with a spouse mean? Depending on the situation, it could mean many things. Being patient with a spouse may mean tolerating a spouse’s habit while waiting for him/her to decide to change. Being patient might mean choosing to say nothing when you really feel slighted. Being patient might mean allowing the other person to make a decision that is, shall we say less than optimal, because the spouse has to learn the hard way why something won’t work.


For every situation I have described-and know there are millions more- someone might say that there are other ways of dealing with this. That person would be correct. However, the merit of the intervention is judged by the success of its outcome. Most couple I see experience these very situations. Most handle them the exact same way: confrontation and argument. That approach does not and will not work. How do I know? The couple is sitting in my office….


Patience is something that has to be practiced daily. It means that somebody in the couple is not going to get his/her way. If you want to be a successful couple, you’ll have to understand that this is part of the give and take in relationships. There are always reasons why couples don’t practice patient-good reasons. However, the outcome is always the same. The relationship suffers and partners feel distant.


So the next time you find that you and your significant other are experiencing conflict, consider practicing patience and evaluate if it makes a difference.


I said what I said; how about you?

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© 2019 by Tara Nyasio, PsyD